An Ode to Ordonez

Magglio Ordonez. Magglio. Maggs.                                                                                           

He’s been a playoff hero, a batting-title winner, everyone's favorite Tiger. He's had the best hair in the leagues, and he’s been the not-so-secret crush of many of of our friend’s mothers.  He was perfect.        

He was never more perfect than in 2006, when delivered The Home Run--that beautiful walk off homer against Oakland in the ALCS that seemed to stay in the air for years. He earned then eternal love and adoration of Tigers fans everywhere after that one, no matter how many times we suffered short term memory loss whenever Maggs was in an occasional rut.  And whenever he got in said rut, he would bounce back in full, fantastic Magglio fashion.

 In 2007 he had a phenomenal year, with a .363 (WOW) batting average, 139 RBI, 28 HRs, and was runner up for the AL MVP behind ARod. (One of the many MORE reasons to hate that guy.)  His numbers have since trickled down, and some traitors fair-weather fans losers people didn’t think he had it in him this year.

Well, he showed them.  The second half of his season was great, and he was a clutch badass against the Yankees. He was phenomenal, even in his old age. It was like the Magglio of old had graced us with his presence, showing all the haters of the world exactly just who had helped bring the D back to prominence.                                                                                                                               

Unfortunately, it was not to last. Now that he has re-broken his ankle, hope is officially GONE. He will not come back to play with us next year.  Dombrowski has rightfully ended his (and Carlos') time with the Tigers, and as much as we agree with this decision, it hurts our hearts to know we won't see his Antonio Banderas-esque face in the Tigers dugout. We hope Magglio can settle down and retire with his wife and kids (who's names bear the proof of Magglio's humility) and re-grow his mane of curly locks.

 The spirit of Magglio, and that magical 2006 team,  will always be with us.  He never gave up.  He embodies the fighting spirit of our Tigers.  They don’t stop until they are physically incapable of doing so.  We saw it with Delmon, with Alex, with V-Mart, and even Inge in this year. But no one more so than sweet Magglio. He is a man of inspiration.  Inspiration to his team, to his fans, and to the WORLD.  We know we are getting sappy and melodramatic, but only because he deserves it.  And only because we know its all true. 

We love you, Magglio Ordonez. Thank you for all you have given us.

BLACKLISTED: Jered Weaver

What an exciting two days it's been! We will talk about the veeerry interesting trade in due time. However, today's post will be focused on Class Act Jered Weaver and the rest of his team's actions in today's game.

First of all, this was hyped to be, and was, a thrilling game to watch. Weaver vs. Verlander, the top two competitors for the Cy Young Award battling tooth and claw on the mound. This game was supposed to exemplify everything that is fantastic about baseball. Two great teams in the pennant race going head-to-head, fighting, not only for the win, but to see whose pitcher was the most dominant.

Verlander, as per usual, was spectacular. Even more so than usual, no-hitting the Angels through 7.2 innings. Weaver's "stuff" was equally as impressive, making some incredible hitters look like little leaguers whiffing the baseball.  Though the pitchers both had amazing talent, this game didn't make us squeal with unabashed baseball ecstasy. Today, some of baseball's unwritten rules were violated, and though it made for an exciting game, it also made for an ugly one; it was not nearly the shining example of America's pastime we were hoping for. Today, we're not going to recap, but instead, we'll say who was really in the wrong, and who was justified. We are attempting to make sense of the overdramatic mess this game turned out to be!

Follow us after the jump!

Justin Brooks Verlander is on the Edge of Glory

The three of us have never felt any love towards the Cleveland Indians. None whatsoever, especially this year, and especially since Laura goes to school in Ohio and is surrounded by Cleveland fair-weather idiots. So to see Justin Verlander almost touch no-hitter greatness for a second time this season against the Indians was a beautiful thing indeed.

Before we get into our huge amounts of Justin-worshiping, we need to share with everyone our level of maturity regarding the Indians. This is a little ditty we wrote a few years back, to the tune of "Frere Jaques":

I hate Cleveland, I hate Cleveland
Cleveland Sucks! Cleveland Sucks!
Indians are assholes, Indians are assholes
Go die now. Go die now.


Grady Sizemore is a douchebag
Tribe must die! Tribe must die!
Indians are assholes, Indians are assholes
Go die now. Go die now.


Good, right?! We're obviously very smart and creative young ladies who channel our Cleveland-hatred effectively. As you can obviously tell, the type of people who would make a song like this obviously are the type of people who love watching Justin Verlander strike the snot out of the Cleveland Indians. So, here are some notes on Justin's amazing game and the team in general.

• Nothing, and we mean nothing, gives us more pleasure than to see Grady Sizemore strike out. We don't know why. Maybe it's because we're sickened seeing someone so smoking hot on the roster of a division rival he's overrated. Whatever. So to see Justin strike him out four times practically brought tears to our eyes.

• As good as Justin has been in his career, has he ever really been this good? I mean, even he said that every time he takes a no-no into the third or even the second inning, he thinks he can pull out the no-hitter. And the crazy thing is, everyone else believes he can, too. We are so, so not worthy to be watching such a great being pitch for our team. 

• Twelve strikeouts. TWELVE. This man is clearly not human. 

• As far as hitting goes, clearly, CLEARLY, the catalyst on this team is Austin Jackson. That has never been more obvious as it has been in the month of June. Austin sucks in April, we suck in April. Austin heats up in May, we heat up in May. You get the picture. Thats a lot of pressure for such a young player, but we have to believe that Austin's hot streak will continue. 

• Breaking news: ALEX IS BEATING JOE MAUER IN THE ALL-STAR VOTING. This is amazing. The People have some sense after all! Now-just 700,000 more votes until we catch Russell Martin. Watch your back, Russell. 

• Also about Avila-Leyland is thinking about playing him at 3rd base when we go to Colorado on Friday. Though we adore Don "Struggles" Kelly, it would be verrrry interesting to see if Avila can handle the hot corner. It definitely would be a strange sight to see his fuzzy mug at third instead of concealed behind his catching mask. 

• Brennan Boesch did not shave his disgusting beard until he finally had an 0-for-5 night against Seattle. Good riddance, we say. First off, it blocked his adorable face. Second, it was a really sad excuse for a beard to begin with. Brian Wilson, he is not. 

• The three of us didn't get the chance to watch the game yesterday, but obviously we missed a good one. It was too cool to see Ramon get his first (!) walk-off win, and V-Mart, after his initial exultation as he slid home, looked like he was going to die. Oh, how we laughed. 

• Finally, a Moment of Cuteness: Did anyone else see Andy Dirks try to conceal his triumphant grin win he hit his first RBI single? We sure did!!!!

Obviously, it has been a good few days for our club. And Magglio's back! We feel like whenever people count Maggs out, he comes roaring back to hit comfortably above .300. We shall see, Magglio, we shall see. But for now, let us bask in the glorious glow of Justin Brooks Verlander, and look forward to whipping the Indians again tomorrow. 

For Your Entertainment

We know that a lot of Tigers fans out there are very adamant on reading serious, straightforward Tiger news. We agree with that...for the most part. Its pretty obvious that we like to keep it light here at April in the D, but sometimes we too take disciplined looks at the players, their stats, and their impact on the team. We can be serious.

However, today is not that day.

Hopefully you find our blog informative and interesting and funny at the same time. We're going for entertainment value here, people. With that being said, we would like to examine the two wildest, craziest, most absurd people in the entire Tigers organization (no, not Rod and Mario)!

No, we're talking about these two.

Yes, the most colorful people in the Tiger's clubhouse are Crazy Cokey and the Big Potato himself. We remember Jim Leyland two years ago saying that the 2009 team had great chemistry. Well, chemistry or not, we have two of the most fantastic characters in all of the MLB. Lets take a look, shall we?

JOSE VALVERDE


We had to capitalize his name because he is just all kinds of awesome. His dance moves are all kinds of amazing. Hasn't everyone wished players would celebrate more, or is that just us? Wouldn't you just love to see Verlander do a few fist pumps and hip thrusts when he strikes out the side? Or how about seeing Magglio whip his hair back and forth when he hits a home run? SEE? Baseball is already more fun. Hell, Jim Leyland can get into the mix too. Actually, no. That would be disturbing. Anyways, Jose Valverde is quite the character, from his sweet moves to his practical jokes. He also seems to have become the bullpen's version of a mob boss. Everyone answers to him. He rules all.
On the playing side of things...he needs to stay out of the Brennan Boesch Bi-Polar Season Zone and keep consistent this year. He was absolutely unbelievable at the beginning of last year. He needs to continue to Do Work. As well as dance.

Phil Coke


What...an oddball. From the way he says he's going to drive Jim Leyland nuts in the dugout to his insane hair choices, Phil Coke fascinates us. What interesting facial hair/hairstyle combination can he come up with next?!? Dreadlocks and a beard? Flowing tresses like Magglio used to have? Maybe he should dye it. Also--the sprinting thing. Cokey, in his bullpen days, used to literally sprint to the mound from the bullpen when it was his turn to pitch. I'm sure you all know everything we're saying, but just writing it all out makes us smile.
We hope Phil will be awesome in his starting role. We pray to the baseball gods that he will. But, we're not 100% sold on the idea. He's been doing pretty well in Spring Training, but it is just Spring Training. We shall see, Cokey. We shall see.

Angels in the Outfield

Sorry to all of our many readers (hahahahaha) that we're not posting as frequently. We're pretty busy--its called college. You remember it.
ANYWAYS, Spring Training games are officially underway, and our brilliant team has cranked out a 3-0 start, not that it matters. They took down the hated Yankees yesterday, so that can only be a good thing. Those three wins were mostly thanks to our pitchers, but today we're going to look at a different position(s): the outfield.

So Raburn, AJax, and Magglio seem to have the outfield positions all locked up. Or do they? We are going to take an in-depth look at not just the skills of these ballplayers, but their personality, looks, fan-appeal, looks....you know, the important stuff!


Austin Jackson (AJax)





Probably the only player who is a lock for an outfield spot, Austin Jackson was so good last year that he made us completely forget about Curtis Granderson. This is quite the feat, since we were the girls who openly wept when he was traded. Now, after seeing what a genius Dave Dombrowski is for making that deal, we are AJax's biggest supporters. He's young, attractive, and kind, though he can't get the right enunciation for the phrase "fair share". Even though he'll never be as beloved as Curtis was in the D, it's our firm belief that he'll be much better.

Brennan Boesch (Baby B)



Oh, baby Brennan. After such a successful first half, Brennan failed to impress in the second (and most important) part of the season. Will he win the spot reserve spot this year, or will Casper Wells steal it away from him? Either way, he'll look good doing it--his Cali-boy swag and strong physique have us (Rosie!!!) praying he'll make the 25-man roster. One can only hope that he will produce the same ridiculous stats he racked up in the first half. Yeah, sure.


Casper Wells (Ghostboy)





This Friendly Ghost is poised to overtake Brennan Boesch and fill our team quota of white-baller-who-wishes-he-was-black. Have you seen his tweets?!...Anyway, Ghostboy tore up the Big Leagues in the brief time he was there last year, and we think he will make the roster over Baby B this year. Once he gets more exposure, the fans in the D are probably going to love him. He obviously loves to connect with fans and is proud to be on the Tigers, so more power to him. Plus, he's kind of witty . Who doesn't love that?!

Clete Thomas (The Cleteus)



Ah, Clete. We're slightly embarrassed to say (especially after his performance last year) that we used to have a bit of a Clete Thomas Obsession. So much so that we hated Don Kelly when he came up for Clete in the 2009 season, and always scoffed at Rod Allen for his criticism. Now all of these feelings have passed, and it's time for us to get real about Clete's chances in the bigs this season. We don't think it's going to happen. Despite his redneck charm and deer-in-headlights smolder, Clete would have to have a hell of a spring training to beat out the likes of Don, Casper and Brennan.

Don Kelly (Don Kelly)

Don Kelly can do it all, and that's why he's definitely going to make the squad this year. He can play outfield, third base, first base, and supposedly catcher. There's no way, that with our surplus of injury-prone Venezuelans, we won't need a back-up in SOME position, and Don is the perfect guy to do it. As far as looks go, have you seen this guy in person? TV doesn't do him justice. Too bad he has the cutest kids ever...

Magglio Ordonez (Maggs)





The Tiger's answer to Fabio until he cut his hair, Magglio is the kind of player that makes both coaches and desperate housewives swoon (for very different reasons, obviously). We here at April in the D were terrified that last year would be his last in the Motor City, but Dombrowski flashed his genius once again and Maggs is here to stay (at least for the year)! Hopefully he doesn't run into any health issues -we all saw the affect his absence had on our team last year. So here's looking at a great 2011, Magglio--and please, grow that fabulous hair back.

Ryan Raburn (Ry Ry)

 


There's something about Ryan. You know what we're talking about. Just when you think he's starting to really suck big time, he goes crazy and hit .400 for the month of August. He claims that he does better when he knows he's going to play, and all evidence points that he's telling the truth. If he can be as productive as he was the tail end of last season, he's in for one monster year. We're rooting for ya!

Agree? Disagree? Let us know!