ALDS Game Four: Ew.

You guys know that feeling you get when the Tigers win a playoff game? After the initial sensation of terror over a Papa Grande save wear off, you feel like you're on top of the world.   Like you would passionately kiss the next person you saw (preferably Austin Jackson Rick Porcello Brennan Boesch Ryan Perry Alex Avila Magglio Ordonez a Tiger). Like if someone mugged you on the street, you'd just smile and say "That's alright! Take my wallet, you look like you're a little down on your luck! Please don't hit me to hard! Have a nice daaayyyyy!!! (Okay, maybe a little extreme. But after we won the world series perhaps)

Now we know all too well the feeling after the Tigers lose a playoff game. Like you want to get into a bloody, violent fistfight with the next schmuck you see (preferably a Yankee. Any Yankee). Like turning off the lights in your bedroom, lighting twenty candles,  eating cartons of Ben and Jerry's and sobbing in your room to the Brian's Song (no? Not you? Just us? Okay then).


We don't really want to venture to far into the disgusting and gruesome details of tonights game. We only have a few things to say here.

1) Curtis Granderson…WHY????????
    Seriously, though. That first catch he made was not that impressive, it just looked impressive because he   read it wrong. That second catch, though…that was the death blow. Without those two catches, that might have been a completely different game. BETRAYAL. He reeks of it.

2) We knew A.J. was going to pitch well.
    Everyone--ESPECIALLY Yankee fans--were bitching about how Burnett was going to suck. Hello? Never, ever, ever say that too much, because then, due to a little something called karma, the guy is going to get all pumped and completely rock our shit. Maybe that was the Yankees plan all along. Brilliant…

3) Looking For Hitters
    When the player who looks best with the bat is Don Kelly, you know it's not a good day. But seriously, nothing was going our way. Nothing.

So, that being said, Game Five is almost upon us. On Thursday night, Tigers fans will anxiously be watching as our team takes on the Yankees in their sandbox of a ballpark, facing the man who three-hit us only a few nights ago.

You know what? Our boys can do this. They absolutely can. We at April in the D don't have a doubt in our minds that if Fister pitches as well as he's capable of--which is very, very well--then we will win. Our offense may have been shut down, but our team has a knack for bouncing back. You think Miggy and V-Mart aren't going to get fired up? You thought wrong. You reasoned that Fister was going to have a repeat performance of "Game 1"? Try again. This team has been thwarting the haters all season, and there is no way they're going to stop now.

Is Nova going to be good? Yes. Are we going to have better defense and offense against him? Hell yes. As tough as this loss was, our boys have a day to focus in and get ready for the biggest game of the season. Thus far. It's time to put up or shut up--may the best team win.

The Yankees are good. We have to prove that we're better.

AL All-Stars: April in the D Edition

It's about that time of year again, folks: All-Star Voting time. If you haven't voted for Cabrera, Avila, Peralta, or any other deserving Tigers, you need to get off your ass and VOTE. Everybody has their own opinion of who should be starting in Arizona this year. The three of us do too, but we do it a little differently over here.

Instead of being boring and just saying who is most deserving to go (it's getting kind of obvious now), we have decided to spice things up a little. So, we have compiled two AL starting lineups: one based on skill, and one based on, you guessed it, SEX APPEAL. Yes, ladies, this one's for you. You are welcome.

Catcher


Skills: Alex Avila, Detroit Tigers. Kid has been phenomenal this year. We knew he'd be decent, but we never expected him to hit .300 so close to the All-Star break. He's not just hitting well for a catcher anymore--he's hitting well period.

Sexy: Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins.

 St. Mauer has been the bane of our existence for many years now, but as much as it kills us to say it, he's pretty damn sexy. Ladies, I'm sure you agree with us on this: he could catch our eyes anytime. Bad pun, we're sorry.

First Base


Skills: Adrian Gonzalez, Boston Red Sox. As much as we love Big Mig, Adrian is hitting .350 with an OPS of 1.006 and dominating an already outstanding field of first basemen. Looks like he'll actually start the game, too. Go America!

Sexy: Mitch Moreland, Texas Rangers.

Photo by Elsa/Getty Images North America

Mitchy headed up a weak first baseman class, but despite not having a lot of competition, he is pretty attractive. Just look at that smolder! 

Second Base

Skills: Robinson Cano, New York Yankees. While we hate the Yankees, he's head-and-shoulders above the incredibly weak second base class this year. Just look at our own crappy situation at second base! We miss Polly. 

Sexy: Gordon Beckham, Chicago White Sox.

You may be thinking, "What's wrong with these girls? Two guys from our AL Central rivals?!" We're trying to be objective here, and Beckham is hot in a blond, muscle-y southerner kind of way. Fun fact: he also attended one of our rival high schools! Not that we knew him, but obviously we wish we did.

Third Base

Skills: Adrian Beltre, Texas Rangers. It's a tight race between Beltre, Alex Rodriguez, and Kevin Puke-lis, but we're giving it to Beltre, mostly because we hate the Yankees and Puke-lis on principle. Yeah, we vote fair. 

Sexy: Evan Longaria, Tampa Bay Rays.

So this isn't the best picture of Evan Longoria you've ever seen, but we tried our best, okay?!?!?! But seriously, he's as hot as third basemen get in the American League, apparently. Trust us, we've checked.

Shortstop

Skills: Asdrubal Cabrera, Cleveland Indians. As much as we love and applaud Juh-honny Peralta, Asdrubal has been awesome this year. He should definitely starting this game over the hated Jeter.

Sexy: Elvis Andrus, Texas Rangers.

He may not make the All-Star team this year, but Elvis Andrus definitely qualifies as one of the hottest shortstops around. Look at that smile! 

Designated Hitter

Skills: David Ortiz, Red Sox. After having a couple less-than-stellar seasons, Big Papi is having a monster of a 2011 campaign. Just shows you can never count the big guy out.

Sexy: Victor Martinez, Detroit Tigers.

Since designated hitters are usually player who are, shall we say, past their prime, V-Mart stands out as being significantly sexier than all the other candidates. With his Latin Lover swag and his devil-may-care  attitude, Victor runs away with the crown (but hands off, ladies! Victor is happily married with two beyond-cute children. We don't support homewrecking at April in the D).

Outfield 

Skills: Jose Bautista, Toronto Blue Jays, Curtis Granderson, New York Yankees, Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles. The best. Period. Bautista and Granderson are hitting with crazy power numbers, and there is no one better defensively than Adam Jones.

Sexy: Austin Jackson, Detroit Tigers, Curtis Granderson, New York Yankees, Matt Joyce, Tampa Bay Rays. 

You know what we realized? Outfielders are really, really good-looking. Can we also add that all three of these strapping young fellows at one time played on the Detroit Tigers? Maybe we're a little biased, but we have also seen these men's glorious looks up-close and personal. In fact, when we met Curtis Granderson, we nearly passed out. Gorgeous. Just gorgeous. 

So, that concludes our AL All-Star picks. We may do the NL as well, but honestly we don't really follow National League ball as much as American League. With that being said, who wouldn't like to see this sexy team take the field?! Hot Damn!!!