Dear Chicago White Sox Players, Coaches, and Staff,
Hello there! We know you don't know us, and we don't know you, but we certainly know of you. How are you guys? Enjoying first place? It must be nice at the top with a somewhat-cozy 2.5 game lead over the Detroit Tigers. Yeah, if you couldn't tell by now, we'r pretty big Tigers fans. And we actually have a favor to ask of you guys. A proposition, if you will.
Please. Stop. Winning. It's not fair and it doesn't make sense. Seriously, just look at you guys on paper! Let us tell you something that we're not sure you're completely aware of: you're playing way better than anyone ever expected. Call us naive, call us stupid, but we think we weren't the only ones that predicted you White Sox to be a big pile of dog crap this year.
Even after you guys had a pretty great first half, the three of us thought that it wasn't going to get much better than that. Just like the Cleveland Indians of last year, your team was supposed to fade as our Tigers came roaring into the lead, a lead which they would never relinquish. Except things didn't go quite as planned. Our boys emerged from their first half woes to become somewhat respectable. That was all we thought we needed, right? Wrong. Your team hasn't done the whole showing-your-true-colors-and-fading-into-the-background. Oh, no. You are just as pesky as ever.
The Tigers are doing (mostly) everything they can. Shoddy defense and sporadic hitting aside, Miggy Poco & Co. have been doing their level best to take names and win (most) series. Admittedly, they could be playing better. They actually could be dominating right about now. But whatever! That's not the point. YOU, Chicago White Sox organization, need to work a little harder at losing. We don't like this whole "five game win streak" thing. Cut it out.
Even if you fools do something stupid like win tonight and put yourselves 3 games up on our boys, it won't matter in the end. Because STILL, after ALL THIS TIME we are confident that our Tigs will take the Central. Even it if it means a dramatic end-of-season finish. Sure, we'll need our defibrillators at the ready, but whatever. The Tigers have traveled this cardiac-inducing road recently (2009, anyone?) and learned from our mistakes (Game 163, anyone?). They'll be ready for you, not only in head-to-head combat but also the gradual grinding out wins over the next month. THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU, CHICAGO.
In the mean time, please, please, please do us a favor, and roll over and die. Really. We'd appreciate it. Stick to trying to get the Wild Card, or something. Because this division title? Yeah. It's staying in Detroit.
You Have Been Warned.
April in the D