A Detroit Tigers Blog with a Feminine Touch

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Justin Brooks Verlander is on the Edge of Glory

The three of us have never felt any love towards the Cleveland Indians. None whatsoever, especially this year, and especially since Laura goes to school in Ohio and is surrounded by Cleveland fair-weather idiots. So to see Justin Verlander almost touch no-hitter greatness for a second time this season against the Indians was a beautiful thing indeed.

Before we get into our huge amounts of Justin-worshiping, we need to share with everyone our level of maturity regarding the Indians. This is a little ditty we wrote a few years back, to the tune of "Frere Jaques":

I hate Cleveland, I hate Cleveland
Cleveland Sucks! Cleveland Sucks!
Indians are assholes, Indians are assholes
Go die now. Go die now.

Grady Sizemore is a douchebag
Tribe must die! Tribe must die!
Indians are assholes, Indians are assholes
Go die now. Go die now.

Good, right?! We're obviously very smart and creative young ladies who channel our Cleveland-hatred effectively. As you can obviously tell, the type of people who would make a song like this obviously are the type of people who love watching Justin Verlander strike the snot out of the Cleveland Indians. So, here are some notes on Justin's amazing game and the team in general.

  • Nothing, and we mean nothing, gives us more pleasure than to see Grady Sizemore strike out. We don't know why. Maybe it's because we're sickened seeing someone so smoking hot on the roster of a division rival he's overrated. Whatever. So to see Justin strike him out four times practically brought tears to our eyes.
  • As good as Justin has been in his career, has he ever really been this good? I mean, even he said that every time he takes a no-no into the third or even the second inning, he thinks he can pull out the no-hitter. And the crazy thing is, everyone else believes he can, too. We are so, so not worthy to be watching such a great being pitch for our team. 
  • Twelve strikeouts. TWELVE. This man is clearly not human. 
  • As far as hitting goes, clearly, CLEARLY, the catalyst on this team is Austin Jackson. That has never been more obvious as it has been in the month of June. Austin sucks in April, we suck in April. Austin heats up in May, we heat up in May. You get the picture. Thats a lot of pressure for such a young player, but we have to believe that Austin's hot streak will continue. 
  • Breaking news: ALEX IS BEATING JOE MAUER IN THE ALL-STAR VOTING. This is amazing. The People have some sense after all! Now-just 700,000 more votes until we catch Russell Martin. Watch your back, Russell. 
  • Also about Avila-Leyland is thinking about playing him at 3rd base when we go to Colorado on Friday. Though we adore Don "Struggles" Kelly, it would be verrrry interesting to see if Avila can handle the hot corner. It definitely would be a strange sight to see his fuzzy mug at third instead of concealed behind his catching mask. 
  • Brennan Boesch did not shave his disgusting beard until he finally had an 0-for-5 night against Seattle. Good riddance, we say. First off, it blocked his adorable face. Second, it was a really sad excuse for a beard to begin with. Brian Wilson, he is not. 
  • The three of us didn't get the chance to watch the game yesterday, but obviously we missed a good one. It was too cool to see Ramon get his first (!) walk-off win, and V-Mart, after his initial exultation as he slid home, looked like he was going to die. Oh, how we laughed. 
  • Finally, a Moment of Cuteness: Did anyone else see Andy Dirks try to conceal his triumphant grin win he hit his first RBI single? We sure did!!!!

Obviously, it has been a good few days for our club. And Magglio's back! We feel like whenever people count Maggs out, he comes roaring back to hit comfortably above .300. We shall see, Magglio, we shall see. But for now, let us bask in the glorious glow of Justin Brooks Verlander, and look forward to whipping the Indians again tomorrow. 


  1. As for A-Jax, you can all pat me on the back. I wrote a piece before the season that boldly declared that Austin was the most important player on the team. And nothing that's happened since has proven me to be anything but right. The Tigers can actually win some games when Miggy is in a funk, but not when Austin is. Even the Marlboro Man agrees with me!

    Greg Eno

  2. Good call Greg! Austin is going to be key for us this season. Hopefully he can keep it up.