AL All-Stars: April in the D Edition

It's about that time of year again, folks: All-Star Voting time. If you haven't voted for Cabrera, Avila, Peralta, or any other deserving Tigers, you need to get off your ass and VOTE. Everybody has their own opinion of who should be starting in Arizona this year. The three of us do too, but we do it a little differently over here.

Instead of being boring and just saying who is most deserving to go (it's getting kind of obvious now), we have decided to spice things up a little. So, we have compiled two AL starting lineups: one based on skill, and one based on, you guessed it, SEX APPEAL. Yes, ladies, this one's for you. You are welcome.

Catcher


Skills: Alex Avila, Detroit Tigers. Kid has been phenomenal this year. We knew he'd be decent, but we never expected him to hit .300 so close to the All-Star break. He's not just hitting well for a catcher anymore--he's hitting well period.

Sexy: Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins.

 St. Mauer has been the bane of our existence for many years now, but as much as it kills us to say it, he's pretty damn sexy. Ladies, I'm sure you agree with us on this: he could catch our eyes anytime. Bad pun, we're sorry.

First Base


Skills: Adrian Gonzalez, Boston Red Sox. As much as we love Big Mig, Adrian is hitting .350 with an OPS of 1.006 and dominating an already outstanding field of first basemen. Looks like he'll actually start the game, too. Go America!

Sexy: Mitch Moreland, Texas Rangers.

Photo by Elsa/Getty Images North America

Mitchy headed up a weak first baseman class, but despite not having a lot of competition, he is pretty attractive. Just look at that smolder! 

Second Base

Skills: Robinson Cano, New York Yankees. While we hate the Yankees, he's head-and-shoulders above the incredibly weak second base class this year. Just look at our own crappy situation at second base! We miss Polly. 

Sexy: Gordon Beckham, Chicago White Sox.

You may be thinking, "What's wrong with these girls? Two guys from our AL Central rivals?!" We're trying to be objective here, and Beckham is hot in a blond, muscle-y southerner kind of way. Fun fact: he also attended one of our rival high schools! Not that we knew him, but obviously we wish we did.

Third Base

Skills: Adrian Beltre, Texas Rangers. It's a tight race between Beltre, Alex Rodriguez, and Kevin Puke-lis, but we're giving it to Beltre, mostly because we hate the Yankees and Puke-lis on principle. Yeah, we vote fair. 

Sexy: Evan Longaria, Tampa Bay Rays.

So this isn't the best picture of Evan Longoria you've ever seen, but we tried our best, okay?!?!?! But seriously, he's as hot as third basemen get in the American League, apparently. Trust us, we've checked.

Shortstop

Skills: Asdrubal Cabrera, Cleveland Indians. As much as we love and applaud Juh-honny Peralta, Asdrubal has been awesome this year. He should definitely starting this game over the hated Jeter.

Sexy: Elvis Andrus, Texas Rangers.

He may not make the All-Star team this year, but Elvis Andrus definitely qualifies as one of the hottest shortstops around. Look at that smile! 

Designated Hitter

Skills: David Ortiz, Red Sox. After having a couple less-than-stellar seasons, Big Papi is having a monster of a 2011 campaign. Just shows you can never count the big guy out.

Sexy: Victor Martinez, Detroit Tigers.

Since designated hitters are usually player who are, shall we say, past their prime, V-Mart stands out as being significantly sexier than all the other candidates. With his Latin Lover swag and his devil-may-care  attitude, Victor runs away with the crown (but hands off, ladies! Victor is happily married with two beyond-cute children. We don't support homewrecking at April in the D).

Outfield 

Skills: Jose Bautista, Toronto Blue Jays, Curtis Granderson, New York Yankees, Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles. The best. Period. Bautista and Granderson are hitting with crazy power numbers, and there is no one better defensively than Adam Jones.

Sexy: Austin Jackson, Detroit Tigers, Curtis Granderson, New York Yankees, Matt Joyce, Tampa Bay Rays. 

You know what we realized? Outfielders are really, really good-looking. Can we also add that all three of these strapping young fellows at one time played on the Detroit Tigers? Maybe we're a little biased, but we have also seen these men's glorious looks up-close and personal. In fact, when we met Curtis Granderson, we nearly passed out. Gorgeous. Just gorgeous. 

So, that concludes our AL All-Star picks. We may do the NL as well, but honestly we don't really follow National League ball as much as American League. With that being said, who wouldn't like to see this sexy team take the field?! Hot Damn!!!

Beam Me Up Scotty!

As many of you know, we have a lot of talent and potential at the second base position.  Carlos Guillen, a veteran and fan-favorite, continually has pop in his bat and has played second base incredibly well, but we have a lot of fresh young boys--Mighty Mouse (Will Rhymes), Scott Sizemore, and danny worth--who could do the job as well.   Earlier this week on DesigNateRoberson(a great and very funny Tigers blog if you haven't checked it out), the second basemen were compared by many variables, which inspired us over here to look, in depth, at what makes baseball players important.

LOOKS.

So why don't we start with who really should get the job?

Carlos Guillen

Although he has great numbers
(Career .286 AVG, and .801 OPS, our personal favorite statistic, (PLUS he hit .320 in '05 and '06)),
he still manages to look so bad in every picture he takes! How does he have a double chin? He's an infielder!  We've also heard that he's a flirt, which we guess is a plus, but that's about all he has going for him.
Okay, in truth, Carlos is a fantastic player, and has done a lot for the Tigers in the past (the magical '06 season, to be sure).  He may be a little old and fragile right now, but if the Tigers were to base their second baseman choice on experience and skill, then he would be the choice.  But, obviously, the Tigers need to account for "other" factors... so on to the backups.

Will Rhymes

Everyone loves Mighty Mouse.  Everyone.  But let's take a look at his statistics, shall we?
5'9, 155lbs, and greasy hair that looks like a 70's porn star. 
Will is great because of the way he involves the fans in everything that he does. And on the plus side, he's got intelligence: he graduated from William and Mary with a degree in molecular biology, so when he's too old for baseball he can be a famous doctor or something; but we're not gold diggers here at April in the D, we pick our men based on APPEARANCES...not income.
In real life, Will has proved himself in his limited time in the majors.  In 191 AB he's hit .304 with 19 RBI and an acceptable OPS of .763. His main competition comes from our last contender, last year's starting second baseman:

Scott Sizemore

Good Lord!! The guy that just last year Jim Leyland said was "as pale as a milk bottle" is stronger, faster, and better looking than ever!  Let's see one more:


PHOTO BY JASON RZUCIDLO / ©AMERICAJR.com


So nice.  Scotty has amazing minor league numbers, but when he came up to the big leagues last year,  despite us all rooting for him, he kind of crashed and burned.  According to Leyland though, he's looking better than ever.  Although his major league numbers are worse than Rhymes' (143 AB, . 224 AVG, 14 RBI, .631 OPS)  he has a larger range than Will (maybe because he's +3 inches?), and is much better at turning the double play.  We believe, here at April in the D, that THIS one deserves the job!  (Just look at those eyes! Good lord!)

Here's lookin' at you, Scott!