Megan Attempts a Play-by-Play; Overuses Exclamation Points

Okay, so this is my first attempt at a play-by-play of a game, so by all means skip around.  We're playing against the Oakland Athletics, a pretty cruddy team, so let's hope we win this one huh?  Here we go!

Top 1st


-Rick looking smokin' today. As per usual. And the lineup looks pretty sweet as well. Poor A's don't stand a chance!

-Jemile Weeks reaches on an error. I spoke too soon.

-AHHHHH GO ALEX!!!! Weeks thrown out at second. It's almost like that error never existed! You best thank your teammates, Miguel.

-Sweeney strikes out. Two gone.  Rick's stuff looks pretty good today!

-Coco Crisp to Magglio Ordonez and it's a fairly quick first inning. Go Tigers!

Bottom 1st


-Austin up to bat.  Everyone's been saying he can't hit recently, but I think he's doing pretty well. Not too bad anyway. His speed certainly helps him once he gets on the bag.

-I spoke too soon again!  Austin strikes out. I guess it's true that he's always striking out.  I need to stop complimenting people, I suppose.

-Brennan Boesch grounds out. Two gone really fast.

-Maggs singles!!! I'm so glad he's back in the lineup.  If he can keep hitting well, we really have a pretty darn good lineup!


-Aaaaand I spoke too soon again. Cabrera strikes out and the inning is over.  What a great idea to do a play-by-play!! It's been so exciting thus far!

Top 2nd


-Let's have some action! Let's see some defense!!


-If catching a pop up counts as defense then I guess we're seeing some. Brandon Inge catches a ball in foul territory to get Hideki Matsui.  Didn't he used to be an MVP?  Oakland must be where talented players go to die.

-SCOTT SIZEMORE!!! Oh I forgot about you, my beautiful boy!! How are you?  I can't say I miss you too much, but it's nice to see you again! (I must be losing my mind.)

-Scotty Boy strikes out swinging. Two gone.


-David DeJesus is up to bat.  For some reason I hate this guy.

-And Ricky hits him with a pitch!! Not too smart, Ricky, but I'm not too concerned. We've got two outs still, and hopefully we can get out of this inning unscathed.

-Aaaaand Connor Jackson contributes to a force out at second!!  The Tigers get out of the inning without a run scoring thank goodness. Rick seems like he hits batters a lot. That's something he needs to quit doing. However, missing inside is still better than missing right over the heart of the plate!!

Bottom 2nd


-OKAY!  Let's go offense!! I have a great feeling about this half inning! Martinez is up to bat.

-Victor flies out to center. Great. Hooray. Go offense.  One out.

-Juh-Honny flies out to left field. Great. Yippee. Go offense. Two outs.

-Ahhh Carlos! It's still surprising to see him up to bat! How I've missed him. Now hopefully he can prove that the real Carlos Guillen is back and not just some broken nobody.

-Carlos singles!! Hooray! It's really Carlos!

-And Avila draws the walk!! Avila actually has the second most walks on the team with 36 now. Miguel has the most, and has almost double Avila's total. Anyway, I was just trying to point out that the kid has a pretty good eye. Good work, Avi!

-And it's all up to Brandon Inge. Come on Brandon!!! Show all your haters what Brandon Inge can really do!! I'm rooting for you!!

-Brandon Inge strikes out swinging.  Great. Woohoo. Go Brandon.  To the Top of the 3rd we go.


Top 3rd

-Another one of those in the stands thingies.  Chris from Florida, who looks about 8, is the Best Tigers fan ever.  If I ever have a son then he better be as loyal as this kid.

- It's really sad but I have no idea who these Athletics guys are.  Kurt Suzuki flies out to Magglio. One gone.

-Pennington singles on a short hit to center. So long no hitter!

-This Weeks guy is almost as short as Will Rhymes! He's only 5'9". He may be short but he's the A's best hitter.  He's hitting .317 since the beginning of June.  Good for the rookie, I guess, but it's not so good for the A's.  We really need to beat them.

-Can Rick get together with Justin and learn a pick-off move? Actually, can Justin just teach a class to his teammates?  Can he get together with Max please? His move stinks.  Weeks flies out to center.  Two gone.

-Rick's stuff looks pretty good, but he's already thrown over 40 pitches. Looks like we're gonna need the bullpen in this one.

-Rod and Mario keep talking about how bad the A's are. They've only had 52 home runs total. Porcello strikes out Sweeney! End 3rd. That's three K's for the kid already.  If he can lower his pitch count, then this might be a good game for him. His stuff looks good today!

Bottom 3rd

-Ewwww it's DeJesus!! I forgot all about him! Ajax just flew out to him and I feel sick.  He was the Royal's best player once upon a time. One of the many "Tiger-Killers" in the American Leauge.

-Brennan promptly grounds out to Scotty Boy.  Two Out.

-Maggs grounds out to the pitcher. Three out. That took about five minutes!!  As Rod says, "Our offense is stumblin'."

Follow us after the break!




Top 4th

-Rick must be P.O. ed to be back out there already. And he's facing Coco Crisp. I take it back. I do know a lot of the A's players. I just really don't like them!

-Lead of Single.  Brandon just made a half-assed attempt to make the play.  He doesn't look nearly as quick as he used to be. Poor Brandon.

-Coco Crisp is definitely going to try to steal. Be smart, Ricky!!!

-Oh hello, Hideki Matsui!  Long time no see!

-Hideki Matsui bloops a hit right over Carlos's head.  Two on no out. Yay.

-Sizemore fouled a ball off of himself!! On his face! OH NO NOT THE FACE! He didn't even foul it off of himself! It just hit him! I think Ricky feels a little guilty.

-Scotty walks off the field, and he needs to be checked out, which is sad and all, but now the bases are loaded with nobody out! Fantastic. Jim Leyland is talking with the umps, and they're going to take another look, which is actually pretty nice, but they stick with their original call.

-And next up is David DeJesus. Of course.

-Chopper to First!!  Force out at home! Hooray!  One out, and it's still 0-0.  Bases still loaded.

-Ooooh, big swing and miss. Nice.

-5-4-3 DOUBLE PLAY!!!! OH YEAH, GO PORCELLO!!  STILL no score. How the hell did we get out of that one?! We'd better give Rick a break and gets some runs next half inning.

Middle 4th


-Get off my screen, FSD Girls!

Bottom 4th

-Cabby quickly grounds out. One out.

-I hear Pitbull...Victor Martinez is coming! He always has the most rockin' walk up songs.  He needs to get with Don Kelly so they can think up a new walk up song.

-Ew. Oakland is 13 out of the AL West.  Can we please beat them?

-Base hit for Victor, as per usual. One out, still,

-Juh-honny Pheralta is up to bat.  It's now 3-0. He's basically guaranteed to get on base now!!

-Moscoso has no business throwing to first.  Victor isn't going anywhere. Look how old he is!

-Spoke too soon. Peralta flies out to center. Two out.

-Rod and Mario are talking about the misfortunes of Grady Sizemore.  Haha! Good times!

-Carlos is up to bat.  It's so nice seeing him there, all healthy and Carlos-y.  He's actually been hitting okay since he came back, which is such a relief.

-Oh my goodness gracious!!! Victor seemed WAAAY out at the plate, and he just ran around the catcher and he was actually safe! I don't know how he did!!!! He danced around the catcher and made it.  He juked him out!!!!  He reached right between the catchers arms to get home.  Ahahahahaha!!  Victor is awesome as per usual!  A triple for Carlos!!!

-Dug out exploding with happiness.

-Avila pops out to end the inning, but still! 1-0 TIGERS!  Victor Martinez is the best ever.

-If you didn't watch the game, PLEASE you have to see this.  He just danced his way to a run!

Top 5th


-More terrible things about the A's.  They have the most errors in the American League.

-Aaah!! Suzuki hits a double that was almost a home run!  Once again, the A's have a base runner. They've had a base runner in every inning!

-Cliff Pennington attempts to bunt. Fails.  Rod does his typical, "That's no way to bunt!" speech.

-Pennington hits right back to the mound.  One out.  The runner cannot advance.  Rick has already thrown over 70 pitches. Hopefully he'll get us through the sixth!

-Suzuki still at second. Weeks flies out to Boesch. Two out.

-OH NO! Two out RBI single for Ryan Sweeney, and it's now 1-1.  Kurt Suzuki was too quick for Magglio.  Can we please get out of this inning with no more runs?

-Come on Rick! It's now 3-2 on Coco after a pitch that was obviously a ball.

-Oh gosh, Crisp just hit a double.  Two out, men on second and third.  Now Hideki Matsui is up to bat.  Here comes Jeff Jones.  It's kind of weird seeing him out there. I'm used to Rick Knapp's white hair.

-Oh boy.  Two out, two run single by Matsui. It's now 3-1. Great.  I don't know what Rick is doing out there, but now I'm getting frustrated.

-Okay, inning over, but the damage is done. Rick might be done for the day, and now we're losing by two runs.  Are we really losing to the A's?  REALLY?  Come on offense!!! What's wrong with you?!?

Middle 5th


-Didn't I tell those FSD girls to get off my screen?  Lauren is back again.  Sigh. The Tigers are making this extremely difficult today.

Bottom 5th


-Newsflash! Duane Below is going to come up from the minors to pitch.  This seems like a really bad idea. I mean, for real, his name is Duane.  I know that his stats are good in the minors, but honestly, The majors are a totally different beast, especially for pitchers.

-Inge almost hits a homer, but it's just a fly out. One gone.

-Ajax gets a hit. One out, man on first. Seems like Austin's wrist is a lot better, but he's holding his gloves, just in case.

-Boesch's at bat seems like it has gone on forever.  He keeps fouling balls off. It's 2-2. Can we please get a hit, Bren? Please?

-BRENNAN SAFE WITH A DOUBLE!! DeJesus made a good throw, but it was no use!!  Brennan was on his horse, and now Ajax is on second!

-Maggs up to bat, so hopefully, we can get a base hit or something!  The big boys come after that. I think Brennan hitting second is perfect, so if Maggs can start hitting really consistently, we'll be a force to be reckoned with.

-Sac Fly for Magglio, and an RBI!  Jackson comes home, and Miguel is up!  If he can get on base, then I'm about 99% sure we're going to tie this game up.  In his last 11 games vs. the A's he has a SLG of .905. Plus, he's 0-2, which means he's DUE.

-Come on Miguel, come on Miguel, come on Miguel, come on Miguel!!!

-Miguel is fouling off everything. Keep it up, big boy!

-OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!! HOME RUN FOR MIGUEL CABRERA!!!!!!!!!!!  Tigers up 4-3!  Enthusiastic high five from Brennan Boesch at home plate.

-Victor just doubled!!  Count your lucky stars, Kid Rick!! 23 doubles for VMart this year. We really got a good deal with him, didn't we?!

-Base hit for Juh-honny Pheralta!  Victor Martinez comes home!  The Tigers are winning 5-3 and now good 'ol Carlos is up to bat!

-AAAAAAAAHHHH OH MY GOD!!!!! CARLOS JUST HIT A TWO-RUN HOMER!!!!!  HOOORAY!!!!  We are now winning 7-3!!! Good for Carlos!  He really is back!  Welcome home, Carlos Guillen!!!!

-Carlos got the silent treatment in the dugout. Carlos.  It was totally adorable!!!  The tigers are having a lot of fun out there tonight.

-They're taking out Moscoso.  But whyyyy??? He was doing so well!

-Avila flies out to DeJesus, but STILL, the Tigers score 6 runs, and the bats completely lit up. This might be a game that will spark our offense!

Top 6th


-Rod Allen will not be going to watch the Smurfs.  He is too good for that.

-Rick is out there again, and he's already pitched over 90 pitches.  Let's get some quick outs, Rick!

-Cabrera makes a nice play at first, but Rick was daydreaming and couldn't help make the play.  Getcha' head in the game, Rick!

-Wow! Another A's player fouls one off of himself! Gee, Rick!  These guys are really going to hate you!

-Double play ball! 6-4-3!  Jackson and DeJesus are gone, two outs.

-Another ground ball out!  Good work, Ricky!  To the bottom of the sixth we go!

Bottom 6th


-Replay of Martinez dancing in the dugout after his "slide" home.

-Brandon is hopeless, but I really hate saying it.  As my mother says, "I still love Brandon, despite reality." Reality is he can't hit anymore.  I still hate it when people boo him at the games though. Let's be more loyal people!  This is Brandon we're talking about here!  Everyone loves him!

-Brandon pops out to the catcher.  One out. Sad.

-Clip of Ramon Santiago and Papa Grande salsa dancing for charity!!  The Tigers really like to dance don't they? I love this team!

-Austin singles. People need to get off his back about hitting.  He's a great lead off hitter.

-Brennan hits a double to right field!! ANOTHER DOUBLE!! Jackson home standing up! 8-3 Tigers!

-New pitcher.  Fautino De Los Santos.  If nothing else, he has a fun name!

-Magglio lines it to the first baseman, but no big deal.  Cabrera's up. Two outs.

-Playing the A's makes me realize how good of team we actually have!  If you think about our line-up, it's full of threats right now.  Austin: threat. Boesch: threat.  Miguel: threat.  VMart: threat. Peralta: threat. Avila: threat.  Miguel and Carlos could become real big parts of our offense too once they're totally back from their injuries.  If Brandon can get his defense together, I won't even mind him being the 9 hitter!

-Miguel strikes out, but another run is added to the tigers score. GO TIGERS!

Top 7th

-It's apparently hot in Comerica tonight.  Brennan has to change his undershirt a couple of times.

-Phil Coke comes in for relief.  He really belongs in the bullpen doesn't he?  He seems more at home.  Less nervous.

-Pennington hits a single and is on first base. No outs.

-Juh-Honny makes a great play at short! He's way better at defense than anyone thought he'd be at the beginning of the year!  Weeks is out. One gone.

-Sweeney flies out.  Two gone.

-OH GOD BRANDON!! Brandon just made an error at third.  Weeks is on. Two on and two out.  Brandon really needs to get his stuff together if he wants people to stop booing him!  It's really sad to hear, but when he made the error the whole crowd booed. How sad.  I used to think that Tigers fans were loyal, but it seems we turn on people really quickly.  Brandon need s positive reinforcement people! Be nice, at least at the park!

-Happy Birthday Phil Coke!! He's 29 today.  Coke, give yourself a birthday present and get Matsui out!!

-Matsui grounds out.  To the bottom of the seventh we go!

Middle 7th


-Okay, I swear, for the last time.  Lauren is on my TV screen again.  I'm really sick of these FSD Girls!  I'm sorry to complain about this people, but do I really have to see them four times during one game?  Is that necessary? I don't think so. Somebody, just pay Justin Verlander to say these stupid things!  Okay rant over.  The inning is starting.

Bottom 7th


-Martinez grounds out to short, one out. Now that it's the 7th, I'm pretty sure we're going to win, so I don't care too much about that.

-Peralta quickly grounds out.  Two gone.

-Glass Carlos is up to bat.  Now that we're winning I'm just hoping he doesn't injure himself.

-Rod and Mario are complaining that they have no muscle. Sorry boys. Not everyone can have Carlos' chiseled physique!

-Carlos walks!! Thank you for not hitting him, Fautino De Los Santos! Still two outs, and Avila is up to bat.

-Alex strikes out, but that's fine.  Now it's all up to the bullpen to hang on this lead!  And with our closer and our set-up men, that's not too big of deal.  Hey everyone, remember Todd Jones?  We used to say that we needed five runs in order to guarantee a win with him closing. Our bullpen really is a luxury right now.

Top 8th


-Duane Below looks like a real winner. I hope he does really well in his Major League debut tomorrow. I don't have lots of confidence, but let's all hope he proves me wrong.

-Coke is still in there! Huh!  Eric Sogaro grounds out to Cabrera at first. One out.  Phil Coke didn't need to cover the bag, but at least his head was in the game. Always overexcited, that Phil Coke!

-David DeJesus line drives to Boesch.  One on, one out.  Coke leaves, and Alburquerque is coming!

-I love Alburquerque.  He's amazing rookie, and his opponent batting average is only .144, which leads all AL relievers!

-DeJesus moves to second, but Jackson retires.  Two out.

-Kurt Suzuki up to bat.  Let's go Al!

-Pops up to Brandon, and the inning is over.  Go Tigers!!  I'm really glad that we're winning this, otherwise this play-by-play would be really depressing to write.

Bottom 8th


-Okay, hopefully just one more half inning after this.  I'm tired of writing. And if those losers somehow manage to score 5 runs in the top of the 9th, we're screwed.

-Brandon pops up AGAIN. On the first pitch. Come on, Brandon! Please help me to like you just a little bit! You're making it reaaalllly hard to defend you!

-Jackson hits a high fly ball almost to the wall, but it's pulled in by the center fielder. Two outs. Boesch is up.

-Boesch hustles to first and beats out the pitcher for an in-field hit. Way to go boy! He leads the Tigers in multi-hit games now, even more then Cabrera!  He's had 3 hits tonight.

-The Tigers are all smiles tonight.  I've seen basically everyone smile at least once. Except maybe Brandon.

-Casper up to bat. If you don't follow him on Twitter you should. He's really funny, actually.

-A powerful hit by Casper, but the center fielder brings it in.  In Yankee Stadium it would have been a home run.  In fact, Austin would have two home runs tonight if we were playing the Yankees. No wonder their offensive stats are so good this year. I mean sure, they have talent, but they play in an itty bitty park! For real, people! Okay inning over.  Top of the 9th.

Top 9th


-Don Kelly comes in as a defensive replacement for Brennan.

-Albuquerque is still out there!  Hopefully he can keep it up and finish this game.

-Pennington has an infield hit. Three hits tonight for him. One man on, no out.

-Weeks strikes out. One gone.

-Two gone!  Ryan Sweeney strikes out!

-Let's hope that Coco Crisp is the last batter Alburquerque faces...

-SWING AND A MISS!!! HE STRUCK OUT THE SIDE!!! We win!!!  Great job, Alburquerque!

Okay, so if you read through this whole thing, then congratulations, I know it's long, but it was a pretty good game! The Tigers bats woke up, and Carlos Guillen got a home run, his first since coming back. I really hope that this means the Tigers are going to start hitting now. Also, congratulations to Rick Porcello, who had a pretty fair game. (A quality start, at least.) Anyway, it wasn't the most exciting win in the world, but it was a good one.  Plus, if the Indians lose, we'll be back atop the central. Go Tigers!