NoTORIIous

Well!

So, it's been a while. Fifteen days, to be exact. We don't know about you guys, but the three of us needed to take a breather from baseball. There is still too much pain after that World Series From Hell, and we needed to to remove ourselves from that situation.

But, as per usual, the game we love sucks us back in, in none other than the form of a notorious, card-carrying Tiger Killer, Torii Hunter. When we first read about the Tigers showing interest in the slick-fielding outfielder, our interest was piqued, but we didn't pay too much attention to it. We knew other teams were interested in him, and we figured Torii would need to take some time to weigh his options.

We were so, so wrong.

Torii Hunter doesn't wait for you to contact him, HE goes out and contacts YOU. We have never heard of a player pitch himself so strongly and confidently to a team, let alone our own Tigers. Remember when Dombrowski & Co. had to beg people to play in the D? Those days are clearly long, long gone. Now we have All-Star Gold Glove winners banging on our door, demanding to be let on the American League Championship team.

Times, they have a'changed. To put it crudely, the Tigers are suddenly the hottest bitches on the block, and everyone wants a go. Best part is, everyones on the same page: Hunter wants a WS ring. So does Illitch. The time is now.

Do people even realize what has happened? We have gone from Delmon Young and Brennan Boesch to Victor Martinez and Torii Hunter. In what world does this happen? Yankee Land, maybe, but not in Detroit. This is absolutely crazy.

So we guess it's time to cross Mr. Hunter of our hate list and nestle him in our hearts, because he is now One Of Us. It only makes it that much sweeter that Torii wanted to play in the Old English D. What can we say? We're an appealing club.

We will address the issue of JV's Cy Young loss and Miggy's impending MVP decision (gulp!) soon. Right now, let us bask in the glow of another already successful offseason.

You're Doing It Wrong

Happy (belated) Valentines Day errryone! We have a special gift for you on this Hallmark-made holiday: A Rant.


Before we get to the real point of this post, a disclaimer: We know we are not the most serious of blogs, the most interesting of blogs, or probably even that good of a blog. For God's sake, we're pink!  So we know we're not the greatest authority on everything on baseball culture.  But one thing we do know a lot about is what it's like to be a female who is obsessed with sports.  That's who we are. That's why this blog exists.  So that's also why we were kind of disturbed to see the emergence of a new baseball app for women which you can read about here.


Basically, it's a fantasy baseball league for women (or men, we guess!) where the user picks a "Baseball Boyfriend."  The user accumulates points based on their "boyfriend's" stats of the day, and you can dump and choose a new boyfriend at anytime. Well we're all for free enterprise, but for the creator of this application, we have something to say... you're doing it wrong!


More raging after the jump...

Glimpses of Perfection

As many of the Tiger Faithful know, the Tigers' Winter Caravan started last Thursday. Now, we don't know about you, but initially the three of us were pretty pissed at Tigers Marketing. No TigerFest? Hello?!? We we were actually planning on going this year. "Screw that," we muttered bitterly while marking down the days until Spring Training on our 2012 Detroit Tigers calendar.  "We don't need them!"

Sour grapes, indeed.

Well, it looked like we did need those big 'ol goofballs after all. Seeing those (many) glorious pictures after (many) long days of Tiger-less-ness was EXACTLY what the doctor ordered. For us, seeing Justin Verlander atop a tank, Jose Valverde bagging groceries or Rick Porcello just standing there was almost like being in a cold, dark room for three months and then suddenly being thrust into the sun. If you didn't get that cheesy and ridiculous metaphor, let us put it this way:

SEEING THE TIGERS, EVEN IF IT WAS JUST BY WAY OF PHOTOGRAPH, IS ALWAYS AWESOME. ESPECIALLY AFTER MONTHS OF NOTHING BUT BORDOM AND PAIN.

The one thing that would be better than seeing Justin Verlander on a tank or Rick Porcello just standing there? Seeing them on the pitcher's mound, throwing freaking baseballs. We're close, people. But yet so far!

In case you missed out on the extreme awesomeness that was the Tigers Caravan, here are some of our favorite pics that we have stolen posted from the Tigers' website. We take it back, Tigers Marketing. We take it alll back.

In other news…

Obviously since Victor's injury the rumor mills have been a-whirlin' about who will replace him. We personally are big Vlad Guerrero fans, but that is just one of many options (not all of them good). Lately there has been lots of talk about Johnny Damon returning to the D. At first this idea wasn't really an attractive one--been there, done that--but the idea is quickly growing on us. Johnny only brought positivity and cohesiveness to the clubhouse, something that will be lacking with the departure of sweet V-Mart. Plus, he has a wonderful influence on the youngsters (we're looking at you, Austin!!!) and we all know how much the team liked their robes!

In all seriousness, losing Victor clearly was a blow, but it looks like the team will be fine--depending on who we get. If we get Vlad or Johnny, that's great! If we get someone like Manny Ramirez, euuhghghghghh! But In Dombrowski We Trust. His brilliance last year has given us few reasons to doubt him. All we can do is wait and see.

Good thing we're incredibly patient.

Not.

Pools of Sorrow, Waves of…More Sorrow

*SOB*

"In this long and lonely offseason, it's almost safe to say that any news is good news. Almost."
-April in the D, 1/16/12 (yesterday)

YEAH. That's a pretty freaking big almost.

Here we are, crying and whining about how boring this offseason is. How uneventful the past few months have been. Well, boo f**king hoo, because karma bit us and all the other greedy Tiger fans in the butt. In case you haven't heard, one of the best hitters and strongest leaders on the team, Victor Martinez, tore his ACL and is expected to undergo surgery. Surgery that would most likely sideline him for THE REST OF THE YEAR.

We don't know about the rest of you, but the three of us reacted in the following ways:
1) Tears. Many Tears.
2) Waves of Nausea
3) Strong Language
4) Equally Strong Desire to Punch a Wall
5) Fervent Denial ("Stupid internet rumors! THEY'RE SO SILLY")
6) Wild Conspiracy Theories ("Those nasty Yankees are getting back at us! THEY DID THIS")
7) Dark Acceptance ("Of course this would happen to us. The Tigers have the worst luck ever")


Poor, sweet V-Mart. What did he do to deserve such a thing? Of course it would happen to someone as glorious and good and leadership-y as him. It seriously couldn't have happened to anyone on the Rangers? They're dripping with offensive talent. Or what about Milton Bradley? He's a dick! Nooooo, it had to happen to Father of the Century Victor Martinez, a man who's on a team that, offensively, is wildly uneven talent-wise.

The reason we resisted posting this a few hours earlier was because the wounds were still fresh and painful. The wounds are still fresh and painful now, but we have moved on from Dark Acceptance and have reached

8) Looking Forward

V-Mart is good and gone for at least the first three quarters of the season. So now it is up to our fearless leader, Dave Dombrowski, to do his job and find us a replacement. Now he has some options; he could find a tried-and-true DH (like Vladimir Guerrero…we like that idea) and keep the rest of the lineup as is, or he could find a new left fielder (like Yoennis Cespedes…intriguing) or second baseman and move Delmon Young to DH. Another option, of course, is to find a replacement internally (like putting Ryan Raburn in the outfield).

We don't know about you, but to us there is nothing quite as horrifying as losing V-Mart and then replacing him with Ryan "I Suck Big in the First Half" Raburn. Look, we like Ryan Raburn. He has his pros, but he also most definitely has his cons. The three of us don't think that the Detroit system has enough talent to fill in for Victor Martinez effectively and efficiently.

No one is going to be able to fully replace V-Mart. Duh. And certainly no one is going to replace Little Victor. But this awful situation reminds us of another unfortunate event that happened around this time last year. Miguel Cabrera was arrested for a DUI, and many writers and media personalities and "fans" said that it would bring Miggy down and cripple the team. Jim Leyland called that bullshit, and Cabrera went on to win the batting title and lead his team to an ALCS appearance.

This team is tough. They know how to deal with hard situations. If the 2012 Tigers are anything like the 2011 squad, they can bounce back from this.

Of course, Dave has to come through on his end. We wait with baited breath on who he will bring in (if anyone…shudder) to help make something good out of this situation.

Comings and Goings

Good news or bad news first?

In this long and lonely offseason, it's almost safe to say than any news is good news. Almost.

Joel Zumaya agreeing to terms with the Twins definitely isn't our idea of a fantastic situation. Who wants to see a once-adored member of the team go over to the Dark Side? And here we were, just starting to really pity the Twins for how bad they're going to be next year. Screw that. Sorry Joel, but we are never again praying for your return to glory.

So now the good news…Rick Porcello and Phil Coke have avoided arbitration and agreed to terms with the Tigers! This makes us very, very happy, seeing as we love Phil Coke's insanity and interesting hairstyles and Rick Porcello's physique and gorgeousness sinker.

Dressing Like A Boss

And for all who did not catch our main man Justin Verlander on Conan, it was a treat. He showed off his  fashion-forward blue and brown suit with some kick-ass brown shoes, and seemed funny and at ease. As he should be. If the man can throw two no-hitters, he can sure as hell go on a silly talk show for ten minutes. 

Some people out there in the blogging world and Twitterverse didn't like JV's attire, but we really did. Maybe we should start forgiving him for the Ed Hardy and overly-jelled hair.

The fact that a Cy Young and MVP winner can eat Taco Bell before every start not only makes us question our own dieting strategies, but it also makes us marvel at the strength of Justin's stomach. Who the hell can eat that much Taco Bell and not be embarrassingly sick the day after?!

Gossip 'N Stuff

Are they or aren't they?

That seems to be the question of the moment when referring to the Tigers' interest in some of the few remaining star pitchers left to be traded, including Matt Garza and Jair Jurrjens. It was reported that the Tigers had a high level of interest in Garza especially, and that they might be even willing to trade the young hot shot Jacob Turner for him. To most diehard Tigers fans, a Turner trade sounded like a terrible, awful, no good, very bad idea.

Luckily, our hero Dave Dombrowski assuaged our fears by confirming that the Tigers would not be trading Jacob Turner. In fact, he went on to say that not only were the Tigers not trading Turner, but they weren't looking to trade for any high profile pitchers at all.

Ooookay.

While we know that it's good long-term to hold on to Turner, wouldn't it have been fun to see Garza wear the Old English D? Sure, we cursed his name when he no-hit the 2010 squad, but doesn't that show that he really is a true talent and has only good things in his future? He would have filled out our rotation quite nicely this year.

We really do get it, though. Turner will (or at least, should) pay off for us in the end. The three of us are just impatient and greedy, and the mere mention of a  potential Garza trade excited us. Sigh…

But HEY. Don't worry, people, our fearless leader gave us some other thrilling news this week. In an explosive deal, the Tigers have acquired 29-year-old 2B/OF Eric Patterson from the San Diego Padres. WOW!

Not.

It now looks more and more likely that the Santiago/Raburn platoon will continue. Excuse our language, but f**k no. Yeah, they both definitely have their moments, but Raburn should be banned from playing the infield and Santiago's hitting is sporadic at best. Is Martin Prado really too much to hope for, Dave?? I know we can't have a sexy, game-changing Victor Martinez deal every year, but can't you make some kind of semi-attractive move?

The days drag on, with not even TigerFest to look forward too. We're so desperate for baseball over here, we might "accidentally" show up at the inaugural Kid's Convention in a few weeks at Comerica. We can see ourselves now, being dragged kicking and screaming from the stadium by security after trying to pass ourselves off as twelve year olds, the Tigers players looking on in disgust.

Now THAT would be interesting news.