BLACKLISTED: Jered Weaver

What an exciting two days it's been! We will talk about the veeerry interesting trade in due time. However, today's post will be focused on Class Act Jered Weaver and the rest of his team's actions in today's game.

First of all, this was hyped to be, and was, a thrilling game to watch. Weaver vs. Verlander, the top two competitors for the Cy Young Award battling tooth and claw on the mound. This game was supposed to exemplify everything that is fantastic about baseball. Two great teams in the pennant race going head-to-head, fighting, not only for the win, but to see whose pitcher was the most dominant.

Verlander, as per usual, was spectacular. Even more so than usual, no-hitting the Angels through 7.2 innings. Weaver's "stuff" was equally as impressive, making some incredible hitters look like little leaguers whiffing the baseball.  Though the pitchers both had amazing talent, this game didn't make us squeal with unabashed baseball ecstasy. Today, some of baseball's unwritten rules were violated, and though it made for an exciting game, it also made for an ugly one; it was not nearly the shining example of America's pastime we were hoping for. Today, we're not going to recap, but instead, we'll say who was really in the wrong, and who was justified. We are attempting to make sense of the overdramatic mess this game turned out to be!

Follow us after the jump!

A Desperate Plea for Normalcy

Okay.  What is going on with the Tigers?  Why is it that whenever things start going well for us, things somehow fall apart?  This year, there have been a few magical periods of time when the team has had everything going for them.  Our pitchers' stuff was nasty.  Our hitters were not only hitting bombs to left-center, but also manufacturing clutch runs when we really needed them to.  However, whenever we start to play really well, either the pitchers stop pitching, or the hitters stop hitting, which is just what happened in yesterday's game and today's game.  We need to get dis ish on track.

Follow us after the break...

Buzz on, BumbleBee

We have a new Obsession. He is young. He is talented. He is plucky. So obviously, upon seeing him for the first time we felt obliged to anoint him with his very own April in the D Nickname.

He is now Duane "Bumble" Below.

At first we just said "Bumble Below" just so we knew how to pronounce his name, but it stuck, and we like it, and it's cute, and he's cute, and his parents are cute (did you see them crying at his first game?!!? Precious!!!!!!) and his friends came to his game in Chicago, and we have fallen for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, this means that he will probably be traded soon, or sent down soon, because this seems to happen whenever we become too attached to a player. We should add that our Obsessions are not very rational; Bumblebee is neither the best nor the most attractive pitcher on this team, let alone the best player. But hell, we were Obsessed with Clete Thomas in 2009, for no reason besides the fact that he looked as startled as a fawn on ecstasy whenever he came up to bat.

But Below is a little different, because he actually has talent, and we do NOT blame him for the loss today against the evil, horrible, mean Chicago White Sox. Would it kill our above-average offense to give him a little more run support?!?!!?!?! No, we think not. We don't care that they were facing the White Sox's Ace. Eff that.

We kid, obviously. If there was a matchup that we expected to lose this series, it was Buehrle vs. Bumblebee. And it was sad to see that our newest rookie Chase Ruffin (what a friggin' awesome name) (and also, this kid has Personality. Our bullpen is now officially Very Weird) be the one to be thrown into a bases-loaded jam in his Major League debut. Whateva. We'll take the next two with Verlander and Scherz on the mound, and hopefully Cleveland won't get anymore of their stupid bullshit walk-off wins and we can regain some control over the AL Central.

But in the future, can we please get Duane Below the win? Before he gets traded/goes down/hits the DL? Please? He is too adorable to waste.

PS-have you seen him without a baseball cap on? He's balding. Well, whatever. He may not be as glorious as Kid Rick, but he's still adorable to us!!!!!!!

Brandon Inge, Je T'aime

DISCLAIMER: Yes, we know we spelled Je T'aime wrong in the title earlier...we fixed it now. We're emotional, okay?! Two out of three of us took high school French. We should know better.

So. We all know the news. We all surely have our own reactions about it. And ours was a mixture of, "It's about damn time" followed immediately by a feeling akin to the death of a lifelong pet who annoyed us often, but was loved most of the time.

Okay, that was overdramatic. But that was how we felt!




Jump with us as we walk down memory lane with Brandon...

Megan Attempts a Play-by-Play; Overuses Exclamation Points

Okay, so this is my first attempt at a play-by-play of a game, so by all means skip around.  We're playing against the Oakland Athletics, a pretty cruddy team, so let's hope we win this one huh?  Here we go!

Top 1st


-Rick looking smokin' today. As per usual. And the lineup looks pretty sweet as well. Poor A's don't stand a chance!

-Jemile Weeks reaches on an error. I spoke too soon.

-AHHHHH GO ALEX!!!! Weeks thrown out at second. It's almost like that error never existed! You best thank your teammates, Miguel.

-Sweeney strikes out. Two gone.  Rick's stuff looks pretty good today!

-Coco Crisp to Magglio Ordonez and it's a fairly quick first inning. Go Tigers!

Bottom 1st


-Austin up to bat.  Everyone's been saying he can't hit recently, but I think he's doing pretty well. Not too bad anyway. His speed certainly helps him once he gets on the bag.

-I spoke too soon again!  Austin strikes out. I guess it's true that he's always striking out.  I need to stop complimenting people, I suppose.

-Brennan Boesch grounds out. Two gone really fast.

-Maggs singles!!! I'm so glad he's back in the lineup.  If he can keep hitting well, we really have a pretty darn good lineup!


-Aaaaand I spoke too soon again. Cabrera strikes out and the inning is over.  What a great idea to do a play-by-play!! It's been so exciting thus far!

Top 2nd


-Let's have some action! Let's see some defense!!


-If catching a pop up counts as defense then I guess we're seeing some. Brandon Inge catches a ball in foul territory to get Hideki Matsui.  Didn't he used to be an MVP?  Oakland must be where talented players go to die.

-SCOTT SIZEMORE!!! Oh I forgot about you, my beautiful boy!! How are you?  I can't say I miss you too much, but it's nice to see you again! (I must be losing my mind.)

-Scotty Boy strikes out swinging. Two gone.


-David DeJesus is up to bat.  For some reason I hate this guy.

-And Ricky hits him with a pitch!! Not too smart, Ricky, but I'm not too concerned. We've got two outs still, and hopefully we can get out of this inning unscathed.

-Aaaaand Connor Jackson contributes to a force out at second!!  The Tigers get out of the inning without a run scoring thank goodness. Rick seems like he hits batters a lot. That's something he needs to quit doing. However, missing inside is still better than missing right over the heart of the plate!!

Bottom 2nd


-OKAY!  Let's go offense!! I have a great feeling about this half inning! Martinez is up to bat.

-Victor flies out to center. Great. Hooray. Go offense.  One out.

-Juh-Honny flies out to left field. Great. Yippee. Go offense. Two outs.

-Ahhh Carlos! It's still surprising to see him up to bat! How I've missed him. Now hopefully he can prove that the real Carlos Guillen is back and not just some broken nobody.

-Carlos singles!! Hooray! It's really Carlos!

-And Avila draws the walk!! Avila actually has the second most walks on the team with 36 now. Miguel has the most, and has almost double Avila's total. Anyway, I was just trying to point out that the kid has a pretty good eye. Good work, Avi!

-And it's all up to Brandon Inge. Come on Brandon!!! Show all your haters what Brandon Inge can really do!! I'm rooting for you!!

-Brandon Inge strikes out swinging.  Great. Woohoo. Go Brandon.  To the Top of the 3rd we go.


Top 3rd

-Another one of those in the stands thingies.  Chris from Florida, who looks about 8, is the Best Tigers fan ever.  If I ever have a son then he better be as loyal as this kid.

- It's really sad but I have no idea who these Athletics guys are.  Kurt Suzuki flies out to Magglio. One gone.

-Pennington singles on a short hit to center. So long no hitter!

-This Weeks guy is almost as short as Will Rhymes! He's only 5'9". He may be short but he's the A's best hitter.  He's hitting .317 since the beginning of June.  Good for the rookie, I guess, but it's not so good for the A's.  We really need to beat them.

-Can Rick get together with Justin and learn a pick-off move? Actually, can Justin just teach a class to his teammates?  Can he get together with Max please? His move stinks.  Weeks flies out to center.  Two gone.

-Rick's stuff looks pretty good, but he's already thrown over 40 pitches. Looks like we're gonna need the bullpen in this one.

-Rod and Mario keep talking about how bad the A's are. They've only had 52 home runs total. Porcello strikes out Sweeney! End 3rd. That's three K's for the kid already.  If he can lower his pitch count, then this might be a good game for him. His stuff looks good today!

Bottom 3rd

-Ewwww it's DeJesus!! I forgot all about him! Ajax just flew out to him and I feel sick.  He was the Royal's best player once upon a time. One of the many "Tiger-Killers" in the American Leauge.

-Brennan promptly grounds out to Scotty Boy.  Two Out.

-Maggs grounds out to the pitcher. Three out. That took about five minutes!!  As Rod says, "Our offense is stumblin'."

Follow us after the break!

A Very Harry Situation...

Take THAT, Voldemort!!

Since everything has been going really well lately (NOT), we've decided to add a little bit of cheer to your day! Presenting, the Tigers! As Harry Potter characters! The three of us recently saw the movie and were inspired to do a little puff piece, so enjoy! 

Harry Potter—Justin Verlander

            He’s such a star, and he’s the chosen one!  Plus, when he pitches he undergoes a radical mood change, which is just like Harry, who is moody about 50% of the time.  Just like Harry Potter, everyone knows Justin Verlander’s name.  If anyone is going to defeat the hated opposing batters on the other team, it’s definitely going to be him.

Ron Weasley—Austin Jackson

            If Austin were a Quidditch player, he’d definitely play keeper.  He covers about 90% of the outfield, so it only makes sense that he’d cover the three Quidditch hoops as well. Ron isn’t the best with his wand, just like Austin isn’t the best with his bat, but both men have other skills that make them great in their respective occupations.  They both seem to be good, friendly, people too.

Hermione Granger—Miguel Cabrera

            Although it pains us to make Miguel a girl, it really is fitting because he is so good at everything.  He knows all the pitchers and exactly how to hit them, just like Hermione can perform any spell just by reading about it in a book.  Not only that, people slight Miguel because of his drinking, just like people look down on Hermione because of her “Mudblood” status.  Hatters gonna hate.

Neville Longbottom— Alex Avila

            Long-Time Loser turned Ultimate Badass? That sounds just like Alex Avila to us!  Although Neville had always seemed like a wimp, when his friends needed him most, he proved instrumental in destroying The Dark Lord.  Just like Neville, Alex has always shown signs of his future greatness.  He has always had a good arm, and it seemed like there was some pop in his bat that came out every blue moon.  When he was given the pressure of the starting job though, Alex turned from a lump of coal into a diamond, just like Neville!

Luna Lovegood—Jose Valverde

            Although Luna’s quiet queerness and Papa’s crazy eccentricities are on opposite sides of the “weird” spectrum, no one can deny that they’re both downright odd. However, just like Luna is a very talented witch, The Big Potato is an incredibly talented closer.  Luna never lets the severity of a situation get to her, and the same goes for Papa.  In the top of the ninth, he always gets to do his dance. 

Rubeas Hagrid—Ryan Raburn

            Why do people like Hagrid?  He’s a big lumbering idiot who is always making stupid mistakes and people keep having to bail him out. Sound familiar?  Ryan Raburn often has a monster second half, but in the first half, he didn’t do too much hitting (at all) and made about a gagillion errors. (Sorry. Not feeling like looking up stats tonight!) I guess he’s a loveable country bumpkin.  That’s got to count for something, right?  Right?!

Collin Creevy—Rick Porcello

            For those of you not-so die-hard Harry Potter fans, Collin Creevy is an annoying young kid who is always following Harry around, asking for autographs and such. While Rick has probably only asked Justin for an autograph once or twice, you can be sure he looks up to him and idolizes him.  The ways Justin has been pitching, C.C. Sabbathia should be looking up to him, for goodness sakes.  Plus, Rick’s the youngest.  Still.

Minerva McGonagall—Victor Martinez

            Always there for her students, Professor McGonagall is a very intelligent witch, and an incredibly dedicated teacher. Victor is always there to mentor the younger players. For example, he completely turned Alex Avila around by recommending him a heavier bat, something he only could have known with years of veteran experience.  Here’s hoping he continues to be a teacher for the rest of the year, and if he’s strict like McGonagall maybe he can whip the Tigers into shape.

Albus Dumbledore—Jim Leyland

            Albus Dumbledore is a controversial figure in the Wizarding world, and the same can be said for Jim Leyland in the world of the Detroit Tigers.  You either love him or you hate him.  Sometimes, Jim has fits of genius where his team wins just because of his managerial skills.  Sometimes you see his line up card and shout, “Jim! What the F***!”  Dumbledore was just as misunderstood, and both he and Jim are fools at heart (as evidenced by the gum incident with Lloyd McClendon.)  Not to mention they’re both old as dirt.

Draco Malfoy—A.J. Pierzynski

            He’s annoying, no one seems to like him, and he’s got that disgusting bleached blonde hair. What more is there to add?

Crabbe & Goyle—Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer

            The M&M twins strike again!  Although they haven’t been too much of a threat this year, you can bet that when Joe gets healthy, these two will be the bane of our existence once more.  They always seem to pack a punch when they’re together, and it always seems like they’re packing that punch against us.

 Lord Voldemort—Umpires

            The only person Voldemort ever feared was Dumbledore, and all the League’s Umpires are pretty scared of Jim Leyland right now. The usually mild-mannered Leyland has twice recently accosted Umpires.  He was a fearsome thing to behold, Jim Leyland was, spewing spit, tobacco and fury in his wake. The Umpires deserved it of course, but one does not just take on an Umpire for fear of losing the game (or having a Perfect Game stolen). It seems like in the past few years, all Umpires ever do is screw over the Tigers.  This is evidence that they are filled with dark magic just like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

If you can think of anyone else who deserves to be on here let us know.  Here's hoping that the Tigers start pitching and hitting again soon. We don't even want to think about the White Sox right now, honestly.

Bits and Giggles

Yippee!!!

Sorry we haven't been posting as much in recent days. We've been busy with work and stuff, but in the next few days we should be posting some special stuff in addition to our mid-season awards. Get excited, people.

For now, though, we just have a few observations. We're not the kind of "fans" who berate Jim Leyland mercilessly, call for Ryan Raburn's head on a daily basis, etc. But we do have a beef with Leyland about his lineup lately. Is he really putting the best players out there on a consistent basis? It kills us to see the lineup we have today: Santiago, Kelly, Raburn, Wells, and Dirks? I mean, everyone needs a day off once in a while, and Jackson has an owie, but really? No Magglio (who is playing MUCH more like the Maggs we know and love) and no Juh-honny? Bull. We know DK is Mr. Utility; in fact, all of our utility players are solid. We just don't buy into playing them all at once.

In more light-hearted, cheery news: JUH-HONNY IS AN ALL-STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. 3000 finally did something right (did anyone else see the ESPN anchors practically pee themselves with excitement talking about him today?!) by withdrawing from the game, and Ron Washington wins the Class Act of the Week award for taking Juh-honny over his own man. Stat-wise, it might have seen like a pretty clear-cut choice, but it's surprising what managers do sometimes. So, go Ron Washington. And go Juh-honny!

Did anyone else hear Rod and Mario be bitches last night and mock a poor fanny-pack-wearing Royals fan? Well, that wasn't the only immature act going on in the baseball broadcasting world last night.  We're sure by now many of you have seen this epic meltdown by the Red Sox announcers last night. Too, too funny. One can only imagine how Rod and Mario would react in the same situation. We see inane giggling from Rod as a possibility, with Mario desperately trying to control the situation. Classic.

Isn't it amazing that our team isn't actually going to lose a series for once? Could it be that our Beloveds will actually...gasp!...win a series?!? Let's hope Charlie (one name only) can help push us into the break with a bang.

Random Tigers Thoughts from Laura 7/3/11

So, this is kind of a good news/bad news post, people. The good news is obvious:

ALEX AVILA IS STARTING THE ALL-STAR GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is some justice in the world after all. Down by over 400,000 votes, somehow Tiger Nation rallied together and gave our boy the starting spot. As happy as I am about this, I can't help but think that the MLB powers-that-be helped out a little. Either that, or we are the best freaking fans ever. Take that, Yankee scum!

Also, JV and Miggy were voted in. Justin was obvious, but Cabrera had some stiff competition from Paul Konerko. So huge congrats to them both! Jose Valverde was selected to the team as well, and V-Mart is tagged as one of the five finalists for the fan vote final spot. Normally this would be cause for celebration, but I can't help feeling sorry for Juh-honny Peralta. He deserved it more than Valverde and more than V-Mart, too, and while I'm happy for everyone, it enrages me to see creaky, overrated Yankee Derek Jeter in Juh-honny's rightful place. I call bullshit on that one...

Speaking of bullshit, it has just been announced that Rick Knapp has been fired. Um...okay? Yes, our pitchers have been outrageously bad these past few weeks, but weren't are starters kicking ass about a month ago? I guess the Tigers superiors thought someone had to take the fall for this. If it works, that's fantastic, but I don't think it's going to make that much of a difference. A lot of the starting pitchers really liked him too, but it's obviously not all about likability. Still...couldn't they have fired someone else? Gene? Lloyd??

I'm obviously not a fan of those two, or this decision. Rogo over at DesignateRobertson has a funnier take on this mess. Go read it if you haven't and be prepared to laugh.

Also another thing: I'm noticing a stupid pattern with Don "Use Somebody" Kelly. Every time our boys start getting destroyed, Don enters the game in a ridiculous position, like behind the plate with a hockey mask or on the freaking mound. Okay, obviously this isn't a pattern--it's not V-Mart's fault he got banged up--but I don't like to see Don Kelly behind the plate, and as amusing as it is to see his nervous, sweet face on the mound, I never want to see him there again. Barring another massacre, we probably never will, but I like my Don Kelly spazzing in the outfield or at third, not anywhere else!

A final word: Vote, good people, vote! As sad as I am that Juh-honny won't be representing the D, we need to get V-Mart to Arizona!!!!!!! SO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(PS-is it bad that I really wouldn't mind too much if Konerko went instead? He deserves it...but so does Victor!!! But you better believe I will be voting a zillion times for our boy!)